Simpin’. If you’re a frequent visitor to this website, (shout out to all 35 of you muthafuckas!)you’ve probably seen this word or variations of it peppered throughout our sophomoric rantings. But, what is simpin’ and what does it mean to be a simp? Traditionally a slur used by those in the sporting life (the underworld of pimping and prostitution, for you master degree niggas) to describe lackluster pimps, simping is, by its most eloquent definition, the act of a man forgoing or outright sacrificing his integrity for the affections of a woman. Thus, a simp is one who perpetuates these acts. The simp affliction often goes undetected, usually because the victim thinks he’s got everything all figured the fuck out and would rather continue being some woman’s handyman/driver/guidance counselor/ATM, than reach out to a player and get some of this muthafuckin’ ism, ya feel me? Sadly, simping is as common among men today as breathing and eating.
9 times out of 10, you have committed at least one simp act within the last week. Hell, even the coldest of p.i.’s have admitted to falling victim to the simp scourge at one point or another. In it’s most wretched form, simpin’ has been the cause of freedom and even lives lost. Well, we here at KILLTHEGIRLS.com are loyal soldiers in the war against simpin’. We have been expertly trained and tested through battle and are prepared to meet the simp menace with the might of a thousand macks! We are looking for a few good players to join the rebellion and to aid us in the recruiting process, we have compiled a list of characteristics that might qualify one as a simp. But, fear not, young padawan, for if you find that you may exhibit one or more of these simp-toms, (HA!!, sorry) there is help. Immediately upon finishing the post, return to this introduction and press this link (don’t press the link yet, smartass, read the post like I just told you to do. You’re gonna click it anyway, aren’t you?). Here you will find your salvation out of the hells of bitchassness and simpdom and into the comforting bosom of the Game. Godspeed.
If your girlfriend/wife cheated on you and you’re still with her, you MIGHT be a simp.
If you have attempted to confront/fight/spy on/kill your ex girlfriend’s new nigga, you MIGHT be a simp.
If you refuse to take financial responsibility for your children because their mother is with a new nigga, you MIGHT be a simp.
If you are currently trying to wife a stripper, you MIGHT be a simp.
If your wife/girlfriend has ever had a train ran on her and you are aware of it, you MIGHT be a simp.
If you are taking care of a child who you discovered through DNA testing is not yours, you MIGHT be a simp.
If you serve as transportation and/or provider of food and shelter for a woman you are not currently sleeping with, you MIGHT be a simp.
If your girlfriend dresses like a prostitute and she is NOT a prostitute, you MIGHT be a simp.
If you have ever tried to justify spending exorbitant amounts of money on women you are not in relationships with as anything other than tricking, you MIGHT be a simp.
If your mother does not like your current girlfriend AND your mother is one of the following:
A) Happily married
B) Non- judgmental
C) Extremely considerate of others feelings and circumstances
D) An overall decent person
Then you MIGHT be a simp.
To be continued…
Oh yeah, I almost forgot… Halle Berry’s titties.